for my girlfriend...

It’s been awhile, but I’ve had much to write about

Love is a funny thing. I expect it to be easy. I expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. I expect you to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. I expect you to calm me down when i’m yelling or to chase me when I walk away. I expect so much that I feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all my plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around me can’t comprehend why I do the things I do, or why I fight so hard for something that seems to cause me so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds me when i’m in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Love isn’t you calming me down when I yell. It’s you yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at me, right in my face to wake me up and to keep me grounded. It isn’t me bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make our relationship appear more presentable. It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of us both, and yet me showing up the next morning anyway. It’s not you saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle me. So no, it’s not me caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It’s me standing there, admitting i’m just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.

Letter number 26

Dear Babe,

I’ve been going through so much lately. I haven’t found a lot of reasons to smile, but I want to let you know that whenever I feel like crying and breaking down I think of you and I manage a smile. You make me happy and the thought of you reassures me that everything will be ok. You don’t know how many times I’ve held myself back from crying. As strong as I make myself look, I am weak inside. If there had to be anyone in this world that could always make me smile, it would be you. It would be you because of all the simple things you do in life that make me happy. It’s because your smile makes me smile and the thought of you makes me smile. I don’t know what my life would be life if I didn’t meet you. It would probably be plain and untouched by love. I’d probably end up liking some other person, who of course wouldn’t ever compare to what you mean to me. When I look into your eyes, I see love. I see everything, I see you. I can give you my heart and my love right now and forever. I hope nothing between us will ever change, but if anything had to change, it would be the love I have for you, because it would get stronger everyday.

Love,

Your Hun

Letter number 25

On our first week, I gave you the key to my heart. Well little did you know that I planned all this out and that key also opens this box. This box holds a ring, a ring that promises my love, my life, my everything. I promise to be by your side through all the good or bad. Through all the tears and laughs. Through heaven or hell. I promise to show you how much I love you everyday. I won’t ever take you for granted because I know how easy it is for you to walk away. I promise not to cheat on you because I know in my heart that you’re the only one I want for the rest of my life. I promise to listen to every little thing you say because it matters. I promise not to give up on you or us no matter how hard it gets because nothing worth having comes easy. Whenever we fight, I promise to apologize when i’m wrong and forgive you when you’re wrong. I promise to always try to be there for you whenever you need me and even when you don’t. And whenever you push me away or you walk away, I promise to always walk after you because I know that you don’t want me to leave, you’re just afraid I won’t understand. There are times when things are going to be difficult, but I promise to give us my best shot. My love for you will always be unconditional. I promise that my love for you won’t ever change and that it will only get better from here. Last but not least, I promise to love you for the rest of my life.

Babe, with this ring comes promises I intend to keep. You’ve made me the happiest person in the world by being my girl. Now I hope you do me the honor of being mine for eternity. For as long as you have this ring, you will always have my love and my heart.

Love,

Your Hun

Letter number 21

I’m not perfect. You aren’t either and the two of us won’t ever be perfect. But if I can make you laugh at least once, cause you to think twice, and I admit to being human when I make a mistake, hold onto me and give me the most you have. I’m not going to quote poetry, I’m not thinking about you every minute of every day, but I will give you a part of me that I know you can break -my heart. Don’t hurt me, don’t change me, don’t expect more of me than I can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when I make you happy, yell when I make you mad, and miss me when i’m not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Perfect people don’t exist, but there’s always one person who’s perfect for you. I’ve found my perfect person and I’m hoping I can be your perfect person.

I love you babe…til infinity

Letter number 20

Other girls get pampered by their significant others by taking them on shopping sprees, taking them out to elaborate dinners, buying them jewelry and other material things. Me, I’m 22, I work at Target, I don’t go to school, I don’t have my own place, and I don’t get paid a lot of money. But I will pamper my girl with love letters, hugs, kisses, and sweet surprises. Our dates consist of driving around, eating cheap fast food, and hanging out in my car. I don’t have to spend every single dollar that I have just to make her happy, but if I do it’s because I want to.

And if she’s down and I want her to feel better, I will dig into my change jar just to buy her some chocolate…

Letter number 19

Dear Girlfriend,

I’m sorry for the fights that we’ll get into. I’m sorry for making you cry. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry if I get jealous. I’m sorry if I act childish sometimes. I’m sorry if I’m a pain in the ass sometimes. And I’m sorry for everything that I’ll do to make you unhappy. I thank you for all the smiles that you’ll bring me, all the happiness you can give me. I thank you for being there for when I need you the most. Thank you for brightening up my day. If you make me cry, then that’s okay. Just don’t make that a habit. If you hold my hand, hold it tight so that you can make sure that I don’t slip away. If you hold me, just know that I won’t stop smiling. I want you to know that if I ever do slip away, I didn’t want to, but it was something that I couldn’t help. And when I realize how stupid I was, I hope that you still haven’t given up on me yet. And I hope that you’ll still be there to give me another chance because I would give you that second chance. If you make me cry, then that’s okay. They say that girls aren’t worth my tears, but I want you to be the girl that’s worth my tears. I know that there’ll be times where I can’t always make you happy. I know that there will be times where I won’t be able to see you because of your family, but know that I really just want to be with you right at that moment and know that I just want to be in your arms. I don’t need you to kiss me every minute like how some couples are because I’d rather you just surprise me. I’ll love it when you make me laugh, even if it’s something completely stupid, a cheesy joke, a silly face, anything, I’ll love it. I’ll introduce you to my friends if you want and you can introduce me to yours, but that really doesn’t matter to me. Knowing you is good enough for me. I won’t fall for any of your friends because I know how much you’d hate that and why would I want them when I have you? I just hope that you can do the same. I’ll watch movies with you all day if you wanted to - your favorite movies, my favorite movies, new movies, any movie. We can go to the park and run around you can chase me around the playground. We can stay up all night on the phone and not even say anything to each other. 

Love,

Your Hun

Letter number 18

Things I want to do…

• Touch your waist.
• Talk to you
• Share secrets with you.
• Give you 1 of my sweatshirts
• Kiss you slowly
• Hug you.
• Hold you.
• Laugh with you.
• Invite you everywhere.
• Hangout with you and your friends.
• Smile with you.
• Take pictures with you.
• Pull you onto my lap.
• Always hug you and say hi whenever I see you.
• Kiss you unexpectedly.
• Hug you from behind around the waist.
• Tell you you’re beautiful.
• Tell you the way I feel about you.
• Open doors for you, walk you to your car
• Tell you you’re my everything.
• If it seems like there is something wrong, i will ask you, if you deny something being wrong, it means you don’t want to talk about it, so i’ll just hug you.
• Make you feel loved.
• Kiss you in front of other girls.
• Won’t lie to you.
• Won’t cheat on you.
• Take you everywhere and anywhere you want.
• Text messege or call you in the morning and tell you to have a good day at work and how much I miss you.
• Be there for you whenever you need me, & even when you don’t need me, just be there so you’ll know that you can always count on me.
• Hold you close when you’re cold so you can hold me too.
• When we are alone, i’m gonna hold you close and kiss you.
• Kiss you on the cheek.
• While in the movies, put my arm around you and then you will automatically put your head on my shoulder, then i’m gonna lean in and tilt your chin up and kiss you.
• Wont ever tell you to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If you’re upset, i will comfort you.
• When people diss you, i will stand up for you.
• Look deep into your eyes and tell you I love you.
• Lay down under the stars and put your head on my chest so we can cuddle.
• When walking next to you, i will grab your hand.
• When I hug you, I wanna hold you in my arms as long as possible.
• Call or text you every night to wish you sweet dreams.
• Comfort you when you cry and wipe away your tears.
• Take you for long walks at night.
• Always remind you how much i love you.
• Rub your back.
• Give you my coat if you’re cold.
• Write letters on your back with my finger.
• Let you sit on my lap.
• Kiss your neck.
• Hold your hands in public.
• Even if you look bad one day, i’ll still tell you you’re beautiful.
• Give you goosebumps and kiss them away.
• If your hair is in your face, i’ll move it out and then kiss you.
• Surprisingly sneak up on you and hug you from behind.
• Kiss you in the rain.
• Pick you up like in The Notebook and kiss you.
• Slow dance with no music.
• Give you butterflies.
• Love you, kiss you, hold you and treat you like you’re my everything.